I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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