how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize