No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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