Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
