Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
