Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
