I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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