i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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