Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize