he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She bit a glass in half.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
