your thong is hanging out like whoa
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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