We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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