Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize