:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
