How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
