Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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