i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
