4 words: hood of his car
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
