if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
