she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
