I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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