Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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