she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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