No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My dick has a subreddit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize