i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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