White coat. Heels.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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