Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
