3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
