He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
