oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
