so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
