when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
