can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
