More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
