i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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