I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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