so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
