Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
