No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
