nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
