I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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