Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
