You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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