Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
