i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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