i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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