I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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