Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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