after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
