I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
