kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
