went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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