Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
