She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
