I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
