There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
