maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's get the cat blown out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
