he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
