My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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