I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
