dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
