ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
