dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
