Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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