My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
