Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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