So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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