The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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