im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
