i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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