that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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